How?

A walk on the beach

As I grow, as I age, it has brought me to a place where I choose to live a life of gratitude. A life where I am thankful for every moment I choose to share.

How did I get here is what I ask myself or have asked myself quite often. I have always had a need to re assess my being here. The conclusion I have drawn is to leave it better than when I arrived.

How does one go about that? Well, it means so much inflection at who you are today and how it became this way.

Getting to the root of the energy you allow in and the energy you use to survive is always the toughest part. Who did you need attention from and what did it take for you to coerce it from them?

We are all in need of attention but how we learned to get it is usually the biggest problem.

Once we realize it should have never been that way then the rebuilding can begin.

~Alan

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5 comments

  1. justme · April 11, 2015

    Who did you need attention from and what did it take for you to coerce it from them?
    We are all in need of attention but how we learned to get it is usually the biggest problem.

    This spoke to me and taught me something profound. So thank you.

    Like

    • Alan Scherer Photographer · April 11, 2015

      I needed attention from my mom and she was so lost and deep in her own pain that she couldn’t see me so I just kept trying to find ways to get her to pay attention to me.I am the oldest and I was there always for her trying to get her out of her depression but she would say things like I am not here to entertain you when I wanted to entertain her and take her mind off the hardships in her life. So it led to many bad relstionships with woman and myself. I commited suicide at 11 was hospitalized then thrown in the fostercare system as well.When I was 37 I chose to change and develop a sense of self. Plus my nana was very tough on me as well so my life till I was 37 was very difficult because my grandpa left her and my dad left my mom and my mom is the oldest of 9 kids 7 girls 2 boys and they women all hated men and being a boy made me suffer so much just trying to help take away their pain. They used the phrase men suck a lot so I didn’t want to be a boy really. I wanted them to just realize they had each other and me too. So until I was 37 it was so difficult to see ME. I had lesbian tendancies for a long time and it was tough to allow myself to become the man I could be proud being for myself and the world around me but I have. I run I crossfit I take photographs I write all to get back to the 11 year old heart I had and begin again moving forward for me.Here is a look at my photography https://www.flickr.com/photos/schererphotographer/

      Liked by 1 person

      • justme · April 11, 2015

        How old are you now? And has crossfit helped? What has?

        Like

      • justme · April 11, 2015

        And Alan, thank you for sharing and I’m very sorry for the pain you’ve had to endure. May joy and peace be your friends now.

        Like

  2. Alan Scherer Photographer · April 11, 2015

    Yes, crossfit has helped,running has helped,hobbies have helped, everything helps. Everything you choose to do to see yourself better. I am almost 42, 8/9/1973 the day I was born. I see a world where you and I see each other in the same light,with loving care.

    Like

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